fernanda (alequinhos) wrote,

fic: something about it felt like home | dan/blair

title: something about it felt like home
pairing/fadom: dan/blair | gossip girl
rating/words: pg | 580
note: written for the teen ficathon. prompt: and I held her hand in mine, she squeezed it tight and I felt the warmth escape my bones inside, by ever_neutral.

He would never know exactly when it started. He might never understand what was it, too.

Maybe was a long time ago, when they were sitting in a hallway and he really saw her for the first time. He didn't know why back then and he still doesn't know now, but he felt bad about that girl who was supposed to represent everything wrong in the world to him, and he felt bad enough to go and try to help her. And he kept doing it a few other times and he never really thought about it because that's what he does, he just helps, he's the knight in shining armor. And until now, he hasn't thought about the fact that he wasn't supposed to be hers.

For a moment then he hates the word supposed. She's supposed to be with Chuck because they're ChuckandBlair and that's what everyone's expecting to happen and they'll be happily ever after, and everyone seems to be so trapped in the hands of fate that nothing and no one can change a thing. Because they're not supposed to.

And who still believes in destiny, anyway? As he watches the way her delicate face twitches as Dorota's words are said, he thinks he doesn't. He absolutely doesn't because she looks so miserable and he couldn't have wished such pain for his worst enemy. He's too much of a romantic to believe you're supposed to be so unhappy. Everyone is supposed to have a happy ending, whatever and with whomever it is.

So he goes and tries to save her once again. It's not a great gesture or anything, he just puts himself between her and Chuck standing in the other side of the saloon, trying to block her view. Of course he already has a super model in his arms and she shouldn't be punishing herself like that. And then he says to her, 'I think you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy', and he feels stupid saying it because, well, that's really simple, isn't it? Everyone should be with someone who makes them happy. Isn't it the meaning of life? Being happy? But she smiles weakly, a broken one but nonetheless a smile, and he feels like he has a purpose, which is a weird feeling because he had never felt that before - not with Serena and definitely not with Vanessa. While the first was always hiding her problems from him because she felt he wouldn't understand, the second doesn't like to ask for help because she wants to do all by herself. And Dan... he kind of likes being needed.

So he asks her to dance just because. He doesn't really thinks about it any further. She says yes and takes his hands and squeezes it just a little bit, just enough for him to barely feel. Because he's over-analyzing her today, he thinks it might be her needing some kind of reinsurance that he won't go away. It was probably just an involuntary squeeze, but Dan's a little deep tonight, so he squeezes back like he's saying, 'hey, I'm not going anywhere'. And he doesn't, for four or five dances and a drink with her parents.

He doesn't think about that night for a long time, not until another one a year later, when he's feeling deep and thoughtful again and one all-consuming, paralyzing thought keeps bugging him.

So he goes and tries to save her once again.
Tags: dan/blair, fanfic, gossip girl

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